Heybabeimwearingurpanties
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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