he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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