Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
