under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
