I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this is an emotional support booty call
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
