Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
