Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
