woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
