dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
