Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
