Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
