I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
