in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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