so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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