shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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