You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
