Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
as a side note pls kill me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize