Redeem this text for a blowjob
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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