before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
God, I missed his penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
