He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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