I'm drive I can fine osifer
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
