you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
