He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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