Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
