you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
