If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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