can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
