so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
