loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
