I wish I could punch you in the face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
