Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
