i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this boner is exhausting
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
