dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize