no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
