i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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