She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
