I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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