She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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