we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
