Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
