You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
