Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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