i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
