the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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