this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
