You kept calling me your small dog last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
