Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
