Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
