EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
