I wish my penis had an off switch
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
