In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
