it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
