Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
