i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
