dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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