I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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