I hate your face
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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