why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
