are you so shy because you have an std?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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