New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
