Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize