Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
