Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
