also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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